BRIGHT & SHINY OBJECTS

News Flash: Pluto is not a planet. Oh, and neither is Tom Cruise. Both were defrocked recently and exposed for what they really are: big balls of ice. Satellites, at best. Wow - talk about down-sizing. And, since out-sourcing always follows down-sizing in America, I cannot help but wonder which Indian (or other South Asian) will replace Tom? Perhaps an up-and-coming Bollywood star. As for Pluto, it appears there is not one, but three, candidates to take its place which are currently being debated over by the illustrious and ubiquitous "they." I have to admit that these official pronoucements were, for me, titllating reading; they captured my short attention span in much the same way a nut might for a squirrel. Or, perhaps, like a box of Ex-Lax might for Nicole Richie. (Let's face it, the girl needs to eat.)

I spend way too much time at the hospital analyzing people, so I really don't want to take a mind dive now and examine why society (myself included) is so celeb-obsessed. (Is celebrisession a word yet?) I accept it and all its shallow glory - I love bright and shiny objects. And the new lamp I just bought from Target proves it. It's awful and tacky and wonderul, being constructed of pure chrome and draped in tiers of silver, reflective polka-dots. It's practically a disco ball on my desk, minus the lights, the Bee-Gees, and John Travolta (who, by the way, was recently caught smooching another man smack-dab on the lips! Is there a connection between Scientology and closeted Hollywood actors? Am I going to be kidnapped or shot for writing that?)

I feel, therefore, it is my duty to help promote this phenomenon, to help quench your desire for dirt. Two great sites - among the throngs - come immediately to mind. The first is a new celebri-blog created by New York editor, Patience Smith, Dish Upon A Star. It's fast, furious, and very fun. (And, I've written two columns for them, ghosting as the character Brick Bronson - an anal-retentive, closeted news anchor.) The other is a purely delicious site that is more well-researched than the Nightly News, Pink Is The New Blog and more fun than a barrel full of Bushisms. So put the fizzle to the shizzle, Yo. And go enjoy.